Sunday, May 11, 2003

 
i think the way it works is this:

you're apart for a long long time. and unexplainably, you start to feel as though you love the other person all the much. why? because you're busy trying your hardest to ignore the fact that you really are growing apart. because what O said is right, after a certain amount of time away from each other, things just fade into friendship. because it's inevitable. you can't have a relationship if you can't actually be close to someone. but rather than realise this, you convince yourself that you're falling even more in love with them. until all of a sudden you realise your doubts, you realise how your feelings have actually changed, and you realise how much easier it suddenly is to be thinking about someone or something else.

and that's when you actually realise what the relationship has become. and you still try to deny the fact that your feelings have faded, but in all honesty, they have. the question is, if you're going to be reunited at some point, do you try to hang onto those feelings in the hopes of things being rekindled, or do you just let it all go?

on the upside, i realised that i'd gotten to the point of friendship about a week ago. and possibly also on the upside, i just realised now that he's reached the friendship point as well, because if he hadn't there's no way that he would be doing or saying the things that he is. so maybe it's all for the best.

still hurts though. i still feel obliged to argue for something different. maybe because i know that most of this has ended up being my fault. maybe because i know that i don't have any other options available, and i'm a little bitter that he does. i don't know.

what i do know is that i'm damn annoyed to've spent so much money and so much time agonizing over this the past month. it's my last month or two in another continent, you'd think i could enjoy it for all it's worth, right?

but no more bitching about it. obviously we've both decided things. and neither of us wanted to admit it, but it's true. so now there's nothing left but to be friends, right?
posted by me | 5:48 PM

Friday, May 02, 2003

 
matt. shizad. keith. laura. rachel. maggie. liz. lida. michelle & rachel. matt. rachel. vlasta. lida. liz. maggie. sleep. maggie. jodi. jasmin. et al. maggie. justin. maggie. matt. jonny. liz. lida. poonam. rachel. jonny. stefan. jonny. vlasta. liz. lida. jonny. brent. jonny. jonny.

i saw or talked to most of the important people today.
posted by me | 9:50 PM